If you caught my doctor rant yesterday on Facebook I'm sorry. I'm not ever just upset about my challenges but I get upset because there are others suffering too with similar problems. Patients aren't being heard and taken seriously. Doctors like to say "medicine is not a Science" well I'd like to throw that one back and say "right so listen to the patient who is listening to their body and knows what they need". Our "medicine" is based on research and research is just as bias and limited as the human mind is. Yesterday I went in with research that should have proved my preferred treatment was my best option. The doctor actually used the same research against me that I was going to bring up. He wouldn't let me tell him what I wanted again and told me what he would and would not do. The thing is research in medicine starts with what the researcher wants to find. If you are spiritual and open you understand you ALWAYS see what you expect to find. You always find a way to find it, so what the doctors want you to believe only works if you BELIEVE IT. Everything in life is an equation. Sure chemo works for some but there are other variables involved. You trust your doctor, you BELIEVE you will be healed, you don't let any other thoughts in your mind but the fact you are being healed by whatever way you are choosing and that the tool you are using is actually promoting healing in some way. It's not medication or chemo or your beliefs that stands alone unless you are just that strong willed. Most aren't. The only thing that isn't arguable is that you have to have faith that what you are doing to stay healthy is working for you. Our minds are amazingly powerful like that. If you feel you know what you need but it's dependent on a doctors support which you can not seem to acquire then it's very upsetting and it leaves you in the reality of not progressing in the healing process. I feel for those who are not being heard and whose symptoms are not being validated or acknowledged. When I'm in pain about something I have a tendency to think about everyone else who may have to face this. Who aren't as strong and rebellious and knowledgeable as I might be. You just know that something doesn't sound right and will go research it before making a decision. Some people accept what they are told and ignore their inner knowing. When it doesn't work out they are at a loss. I am in pain for those. While I got upset yesterday and I have my days with this disease, I know I'll win this and I'll do it my fucking way one way or another. I want to do it for me and I want to do it so others are inspired to take control of their wellness. Nothing changes if you accept what doesn't feel right to you. If you let others sell you bullshit they will keep selling bullshit. Resistance is the only route of change. Pissing someone off sometimes still makes them think. Being THAT crazy SPED parent, advocate and patient might not get people to respect you but it gets you where you need to be and in the end even if you can't see it you've changed that equation not only for you but for the next person. That equation is always changing in the cosmos. The difference is if it is changing in your favor or someone else's. How do you feel? Is what you are doing working? Do you feel good about it? That's all that matters. You have to know you are doing the right thing and that your body is responding. You are the only person that knows what you need. It doesn't matter if your medicine is a piece of fruit, chemo, trust in your doctor Reiki, God or you affirm your way to good health; BELIEVE. You have to have that factor in every cell in your body. Every single cell. That's your ticket. I know what's right and I get caught up in what's wrong. Not for me....for those who don't know. That's my downfall. I'll be ok. I just want everyone else to know they, in the end, have the control over their outcomes. That there are options outside of what they are told. I want to prevent people from getting bad information and from believing everything they hear and all the bullshit research. If you believe every statistic of the flu vaccine I guess you don't realize all the people who die of something different but have had the flu concurrently are also thrown into those statistics. Statistics and research are fear based. The only truth his what you SEE. The only thing you need to see is you're healed. The most powerful medicine is your faith. Put that into your body and the equation changes in your favor.
I'll always be he crazy, loud mouthed, advocate, pot stirring bitch. Never for me; for those who aren't being heard and can't advocate for themselves. That's my path and I'll take all the bullshit stress, karma and crazy person rep life hands me because if I can change someone's quality of life then I did my job, that's my only reason to walk this hell they call Earth. So again excuse my bitching and rants. I just wish things could be better for everyone. That's my passion.
Yesterday the endocrinologist told me a high school student refuses his treatments. He does not want surgery and wants to take medication that doesn't seem to be working. The doctor is concerned for him. I wanted to say "good for that kid!" But it isn't entirely good. The kid knows surgery isn't right for him but he DOESNT know his options. I was so upset and frustrated I can not reach out to the student and expand his perception of his situation. He has to shift his thinking from what he doesn't want to what he does. It pains me but he is on the right track. I can only hope he figures it out.
When you know what you dont want that means you know what you do. Even if you don't know the medicine or modality, just keep thinking about the end result which is you are healed! The rest will come. I'll always shift from I know better to stupid rant. I'll always be the bridge crossing between heaven to hell and back. That's my job. I'll do it until I can't do it any more. If I stay in the mindset what I do know I'm always afraid everyone that doesn't will stay lost. I think most of my spiritual friends get what I'm saying in the energy vortex of things. You attract your perception of things. I attract people and situations that challenge me so I can change it; not for me, for them. I believe that being a Bridge Soul- crossing people over to awakening even if I have to always cross two realities. It's hard but I wouldn't change it for the World. I just hope I can change the World in that I can teach people they can change their perception of it. They can bring back the locus of control to themselves.
If there is anything I want you to know most it's that you are the driver in the trip called life and if you haven't had control up to this point it's never too late.
Think it. See it. Live it. Be it.
Love and Light