I had a Psychic friend say to me once, "You have a lot of men around you". I was offended for a minute. lol I said yes I have 3 brothers! He said, "No that's not it." I suppose it wasn't. I have a lot of guy friends. Why do I keep so many guy friends around? Well I called it feeling "safe". I also like how guys are more grounded, drama free and straight to the point. Mostly.. I think today after thinking it over is that I keep guys because of that saying, "Keep your friends close and your ENEMIES closer." Enemy! I said it! I think somewhere inside I feel or did feel that guys/love is the enemy. In some way maybe I think I duped love. You know, I can have guy friends and not have to deal so much with all the messy stuff.
In my spiritual journey these days I've worked so much to be more loving, understanding and nonjudgmental. That means toward others and also toward myself. I have done a fantastic job loving myself but it is still hard to let people in. So when my guy friend brought up an exchange with a young woman who professed her love to him but keeps pulling back, man that resonated with me in a big way. I resist receiving LOVE.
Many of us women do and I'll tell you right now (you tell me if you read this) I think it's the same women who have a lot of guy friends or feel comfortable with guys as friends. We can love but we have trouble receiving it. In fact we have trouble BELIEVING it. We like to keep men at arms length and we don't mind loving but to receive is a whole other thing. Guys, maybe some of you are like me, "the Love Revoltist". I've seen guys do this as well and have more female friends. Interesting?
So this woman that my friend is dating, the Love Revoltist, well she reminds me of myself and so today I had to think over this and ask myself how do I help people like her? How do I help me? After 1 1/2 years of facing myself with my TF and realizing there is true love out there I realized all I've really been missing is letting it in. It's not about the ONE so much as it is about letting one in.
Scary concept for us woman who struggle with this. I think most of us know what is going on but we find it easier to resist and push it away than to have something good in our life. We can make it incredibly difficult for someone to love us and then at the same time become frustrated with how the other responds to us. We are looking for the disaster before the disaster while manifesting just that and justifying it by how the other is responding to our pain.
What pain? I think that's the other confusing aspect of us as sometimes we don't even completely understand why we do it. Maybe it was a passed romantic relationship, difficult childhood or exchanges with the oppose sex; even within our family. Who knows?
I know my pain comes from feeling empty, feeling not good enough for anything and definitely not having a true understanding of love and the fact that we are all worthy of love. For me it comes from thinking love was what you get from people because that is how I was raised. I spent a lot of my life giving and giving not understanding why that did not buy me love. You thought I was going to say taking right? or expecting from people but that is not who I was........ I tried to form relationships through doing things for people only to be disappointed. I loved attention, just like anyone in fact I still love attention. The problem? It's not love and most times it didn't turn out into the love I was looking for. Funny though, I was looking for the very thing I resisted. I mean in the end we all want love. It just seems that some of us are trying to find it with our heart in solitary confinement!
When you grow up in a negative environment you learn to close off feeling. You learn to especially not put yourself in vulnerable situations and you never open yourself up to the unknown; that's just setting yourself up for disappointment. At least that's what I thought and the funny thing is by closing myself off everything/everyone was disappointing. I got what I expected to get. So many times I asked myself, "Did I manifest this or is this person really not for me?
I think it is several things. It goes back to attracting what you need or attracting situations that teach you what you need to learn about yourself. You also see what you choose to see. What are you looking for? You can't attract or receive love with the door closed!
It's so easy for us as Love Revoltists to accept love in our life when the other is also resistant. You know? I mean some of us respond better to sarcastic people or ones who like to tease and have a little drama in their life. It's easy for us to connect to the ones who are "hard to get" instead of someone who comes right out of the gate full of love, tenderness and kindness. That is just pure scary and as with my friend, who is a very loving person, he has this woman terrified!
So how can we help the ones who need to open up to love and love those who need to open up?
If you're like me work on loving yourself. Believe you are worthy of love and the first and true love is the love between your authentic self and how you are expressing in this life. Give yourself what you deserve from others, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. Keep affirming to yourself every day that you are worthy of love, that you are loved and that you are a beautiful, loving being.
Then....when you are faced with reflections of your love through others remember they are loving you to the best of their ability. They are loving you equal to how they love themselves and what they know about love. We aren't perfect. Love is perfect. It's not love that is the problem, it's how we express love when we are in fear or don't trust in love. Let them love you in whatever way they can and allow this, be grateful for this, don't resist and even if it doesn't work remember to begin and end in love.
Do you love the seemingly unlovable? Just love them. No matter how long you desire to wait it out and see how things work out, just remember they are having trouble receiving love. Respond with "I love you" and don't be drawn into the fire. Don't be drawn into their resistance and their pain. Just love them. If it doesn't work you did all you could do. In fact you did the best thing that anyone could do for them; for us, you gave them love. Ego has no room here. Don't take it to heart when they resist, just open your heart to them. They can't fight when you are giving love; all they can do is run. Sometimes they will do that, they will resist and they will walk away because they can't get passed the fear and the idea of being worthy of your love.
When we resist love we are resisting the gift of source. We are resisting the one thing we are all entitled to and the one thing that makes us whole. Love is the inoculation that makes us resistant to all the ills of the world. It brings us "home". Being pushed away doesn't feel good either. If that is your experience you may need to realize there is a lesson here for you. Don't give up on you; don't give up on love. Just love. We can't make people love us but we can love ourselves and offer our love through our own self care, self love and self respect. You will attract just what you put out. You will attract how you love yourself. You will attract exchanges that challenge your love and your ability to love through romance, through family and even through friends. Love even when it's challenging because that is your lesson. Love the lesson. Love whatever expression of love you receive. Open up to the one thing that defies illness at all levels; mind, body and spirit. Love the Impossible Lover; the Love Revoltist, even if the Revoltist is YOU!
So what did I say to my friend today? I told him that based on what he said that it looked like he had a good chance for love. He responded that he didn't expect that. He thought I would question her wishy washy statements. I don't question it. I love it. She wants so much to allow love in. She is a beautiful, loving person trying to figure out how she can safely experience love. I told him to be patient and when she finally opens the door.....be patient.
Love & Light,