said; “You can’t change anyone but you can love them and that just might be enough!” Is it? Is it really enough just to love someone for who they are? I just had this conversation with a friend of mine the other day. In fact, I have a lot of love and respect for this friend and consider him a Soul-mate.
We were talking about our behavior of rushing into relationships which seem to be based on“saving” someone. We are nurturers and healers by nature but by trade it is called the “Knight in Shining Armor” complex. So what is the Knight in Shining Armor Complex (KSAC)? The KSAC is when someone (usually men) is drawn to situations where they have the opportunity to “save” someone. For example perhaps a woman is in a relationship with an abusive man or a single mom working 3 jobs. A KSAC will swoop in and “save the day” but usually it means swoop in and be drawn into something more than they bargained for. Those dubbed,“Knight in shining Armor” believe that they can fix the person and their circumstances. They believe they can make a better life for the person and give them the love and nurturing they
need to transform their lives. The KSAC is convinced they are in love but many
times it is the lack of love for self in mirroring “themes”that are reflected in
the other person’s life. Maybe it’s even just the love of being able to be the
strong person for someone else or worse the love of power and control over
another when one feels they have no control and power over their own life
circumstances. The act of saving this damsel in distress and making change is
many times short lived although sometimes this leads to a serious relationship
and marriage. Some of these Knights are only involved in the relationship as
long as it takes for the next damsel to cross their path while other Knights
feel obligated to stay in the relationship; shaping and molding that person to
their ideal mate. Of course in exchange for their “intervention”the person on
the receiving end is supposed to repeatedly acknowledge their graciousness of
being “saved” (rubbing the ego) and appreciate the love and affection from the
KSAC which comes along with a great dose of criticisms and judgments whose personal character and attributes were seemingly acceptable prior to being "saved”.
"I love you”. Nope. It’s “I love [the fact that I have you in
my possession and can turn you into something I can love and you should
appreciate that I loved you when no one else would] you.
Sound familiar? Now don't get me wrong, I'm not saying anything to you
that I haven't been through or administered to someone! The Knight in Shining Armor
really can be male or female. Females are naturally nurturing and they do want to “help”
but they too find themselves in recurrent relationship patterns where they are convinced they
can love, heal and all around make someones life better than they are even willing to give to themselves. One person is dependent on the other for feeling “needed” and “powerful”while the other is dependent on the “need” to be loved and cherished. That role can
even be flipped through the relationship. Both are eventually disappointed with
the inevitable less than ideal outcomes.
In either role the function is to fill
the space within themselves that they cannot love and thinking that the space
within them needs to be filled by another. They think that they are powerless,
have no control over their life and that they are not lovable. They both don’t
realize that all they ever need to feel complete is to find love WITHIN and
realize that the power they need is within them to create the life that they
want for themselves. These two people get deep into this codependent
relationship and both become frustrated, angry and resentful. One for realizing
they cannot change the other and the other for realizing they were not loved and
accepted as they thought they would be.
Are you in one of these relationships?
Are you the Knight in Shining Armor? Are you in a codependent relationship or
repeatedly finding yourself in that pattern? Self love is the way to TRUE LOVE
and your future ideal relationship. I would have never realized this if it wouldn't have been for my Soulmates coming into my life and awakening me! I feel blessed that I am living consciously and working toward TRUE LOVE; SELF LOVE.
Signs you need to work on self
You keep justifying staying in a bad
You have intentions to follow through with goals but never seem
to do it.
You doubt yourself and your ability to do the things you love
but spend more time critiquing what others are pursuing in their
You get started pursuing your goals and then become frustrated
and sabotage your efforts.
You feel “stuck” and indecisive. You sometimes feel you know
what you want but no drive to do it. You just make
Fear is a major factor in your inability to follow through with
You find yourself in relationship patterns of abuse; conditional
love, judgmental and codependency.
You continuously put others before yourself to the point of
sacrificing your needs and even others closest to
You are very judgmental of
You are in the habit of negative self
If you can’t help (or someone won’t let you help them) someone
else you feel frustrated, rejected and
You feel sad, unwanted and lonely when you are by
I hope that you found this information helpful. The road to love starts with loving YOU!
Love & Light,
"Where love rules, there is no will to power, and where power predonminates, love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other." ~Carl Jung