I've noticed almost each time we get together happens to be one of my more challenging days or weeks for me. I wonder sometimes how I'm going to get through and quite honestly I probably dont' do it all too gracefully. It's really rather difficult to rip myself out of the smugde of the day or week and then get my head into a place to lead the book study on spiritual matters that speak of handling the day to day in a way that allows one to maintain a positive outlook on life and be free and clear of any thinking that is not conducive to the highest good for oneself.
I feel great after our meetings and any opportunity I get to hang out with the gals of the "Inner Closet" as we like to call it because they soooo get me. (I think? lol) They each don't personally relate to every thing but as I mention in my own journal each one has an experience that they can relate to me about. In addition, they each come with their own wisdom that has helped them deal with it. I have benefited from many of those talks and laughs leaving me feeling stronger to deal with whatever comes my way, at least for a while. In seeing how strong they are and all that I cross paths with, I find myself getting stronger to face my own and if nothing else, bounce back from those "hiccups" faster than I ever did.
Each connection we make, has a message. It doesn't matter if it is the mailman delivering mail who you make small talk with, a mother in law you can't seem to make happy or the ending of a marriage. Every person that crosses your path deserves your time and attention, coming in and going out. Sometimes it doesn't feel like that Karmic Connection deserves it at the time but remember the message is FOR YOU. What are you learning from this? I look at my past Karmic Connections in the last year and smile now. The last time one of them called to scream at me for something ( Ive yet to figure out) I just smiled and stayed calm. I guess I had decided I wasn't going to let it bother me and just let it pass. When I made the effort to stay calm and keep my head clear from anger, resentment and the feeling of the need to send back what they were giving me, I then began to see what I had to in that relationship.
There are many, many wonderful people around me every day who teach me. I have to put down my PRECONCEIVED judgments, my past hurts and mynarrow and sometimes rather jaded, perceptions from that little box I have build for myself, one we all build, since I was able to think for myself. I have to put all those aside to be open to the possibilities that negativity, anger, resentment and hate can block out. This has been oh so hard in the last weeks. I lost my Twinflame to his new life. I experienced my daughter go through hurt and suffering. I was also faced with old wounds that I had to try to deal with differently to get passed them.
Am I perfect in doing this? No. Although every day I am seeing that I am loving how life is unfolding for me even through all the tough blows I have faced. I have faith it all leads to something amazing even though I still have my little moments of "insanity" when it's hard to relive the pain or watch your child live through pain. Still, I'm happy more than I am not. I'm finding the perfection within me and in turn being able to look at everything and everyone around me and appreciate them too.
Gosh, I miss my Twinflame. I miss Beau. It's hard for my closest friends to understand that but there is so much more to reveal in my journal on this. I miss the connectedness. I miss the feeling of us being one , together. I miss having ME, MY OTHER ME around. The only other person in this world I think who truly gets 99.995% how I think. Sometimes I find myself bitter and sometimes want to hang on the resentment of never feeling like life works out the way I want it to...then that cosmic 2x4 cracks me in the head to snap me back in and find gratitude and faith that I'm exactly where I'm suppose to be with who I am suppose to be with. That means all my Soulmates and Soul Friends walking along with me while our lives unfold and we continue on our path that may keep us walking together or diverge eventually taking use every where we are suppose to be. Cause really every moment takes us to every where we are suppose to be with whom we are supposed to be with. The difference is how we choose to get there. Would you rather SWIM across the lake or sail a beautiful boat? That's the trick of it all because the important experience/lesson is still gonna be there. ;)
Waiting as patiently as I can for the next perfect moment. Amazing how different life looks when you learn to look at life with love.
Light & Love,