Sometimes judgment though, is a perception you take on when you may have only had 1 or 2 experiences of a “failure” or someone judging you. If the act was really impressionable then you will continue to be constantly made aware, almost paranoid, constantly of what other think of everything you do. For me, it really limited what I could do and how much I pursued in school and outside of school. I do have plenty of situations where someone made me feel “less”, trust me but when you become aware that you have created maladaptive behaviors as a result then it’s time to change your thinking.
So today, My friend and what I like to call our “Inner Closet Queen” and I were discussing our path. We talked about how we are all experiencing spiritual growth and we are fully open to change and consciously working toward that. As we experience, we share our stories and try to make light of it because, as you know, it can get pretty rough on that “highroad” you try to take every day.
I look at my path as if it is woven in stones. Sometimes you might trip over a stone and pick yourself back up. Sometimes stones are thrown at you and your friends help you out of the way. Sometimes you see the stones ahead of time and you make a choice to steer clear. The stones, though, help to steer us along the way and every time we face a “stone” it really takes us where we need to be whether it be a difficult turn or not.
I feel like I have been hit with so much in the last 18 months. How can anyone get all this figured out at once? How many have been made aware to this degree about so many things within themselves in such a short time? I think I would totally be a Psychologist’s nightmare. No one could possibly unscrew this “nut” (me) without some serious Divine Intervention. I believe as I have mentioned that this is what I have been blessed to be supported with this entire time.
Back in the Fall of 2009, just about two weeks before I met Beau. Then, “Mother Fire“ from the place “..that shall not be named“, told me that I had layers and layers of “muck” on my aura that I had to heal. She said to begin that I needed to understand that it has to be done in layers. That if I worked on it too fast it would have a negative affect. I believe that and I believe I did have layers of muck. I believe I have also healed a lot of it and I continue to do so. The way through healing, that be; physically, mentally, spiritually, is to find a way to try to stay grounded at all times while instituting slow change. Keep yourself in the “present” and fully aware of all that is happening around you. Stay open to subtle signs and the helpers who come in to assist (i.e. family, friends and others). Be open to the help and give thanks for the blessing of healing. Also, function as though you are already healed/changed.
So much to remember for one person, I know! It’s hard for people to get into a place to realize that they need to heal or need to make good change to begin with. That’s a whole other story but once you have made that conscious choice for change it requires a whole balancing act; two sides of you; one coming into this reality and one leaving. Have gratitude for both. Your old self existed for good reason. God never does something for nothing and if you believe we write our “stories” before we are born then just imagine that we knew what we needed beforehand. We knew we had to experience some things aka “stones” to get to where we are in this moment. No matter how hard it was or how hard the road ahead of change is, we wouldn’t have the same “awareness” now had it not been for all that happened previously.
My very dear friend James would say, “How does that sandwich taste?” Well, at first bite it tastes like CRAP but if I am consuming that same sandwich with my dear friends and others who keep me laughing, uplifted and sane while being grateful for having something to eat at all, I guess this whole HEALING AND SPIRITUAL GROWTH thing is a little easier to swallow.
Thank you my Soul-Mates, Soul-Friends, Karmic Connections and Twin-Flame for bringing me to this place and walking with me on this beautiful, stone paved, journey.
Love & Light,